What a way to start the longest (or maybe shortrest day, considering i'll be drugged) day here in the hospital so far. After taking a while to actually get to sleep (can you blame me for apprehension?) RN Amy comes to give me my last steroid pill before surgery. (now that I think about it, no one woke me to check my vitals around 3am...huh? Wonder why not. Guess the fact I was still breathing was a good indication I was still alive) I'm not supposed to have food and water, or at least too much before surgery (which had me asking about one of my daily meds which is known to tear apart the stomach wall linings if there's nothing solidish present before-hand.) and upon giving me the pill accidentally spilled a little water in the medicine cup which caused the tablet to dissolve a bit. I was able to take it, but a half dissolved tablet has taste and so I shuddered when taking it (that nasty taste is still sitting at the back of my throat, ugh *shudders*)
Amy apologized of course, and I asked her if she knew what would happen after surgery. She told me that the majority of patients for this floor actually spend a few hours in recovery before being sent back to their room, so I might wake up back in this room after surgery for all I know.
I'm feeling a little nervous already, just knowing, but I figure it's like jumping off the hayloft at the barn, which I've done. Those times I've had to toss down a lot of hay so it was all over, I've pushed myself to jump down from the loft onto them, maybe to just be daring. And yeah, it takes me a moment of sitting on the edge to get some nerve and just slide off, but I've done it a few times. Even though the landings have been a little rough, I landed without injury and safely. That's all that's happening this time. I just gotta steel myself, push myself off the edge while knowing full well I'll land safely, if maybe a little awkwardly. And after the initial rush of adrenaline and nervousness goes away, I'll get up and carry on.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11th, 11:24pm
So it's official, tomorrow around 11:45am I'll be in surgery. I can't lie and say I'm not nervous, and ever since it's been offically stated to me I can't help but feel a slight butterfly quiver in my chest. But just stating the facts of when the big moment will come makes for an awfully dull blog entry, so it's time for me to hit the rewind button and remember the day from the beginning....
So sometime around midnight, near the end of my blog entry, Dr. Clayton appears in tank top and shorts, panting, and asks who I'm doing. I tell him no big changes, he says all good, I asked if he had been running and he told me he had jogged up the stairs, said goodnight, and left. Strange, maybe.
So after sleeping well enough (with the earplugs in my ears (because I'm the sorta person who totes the oddest things in my purse/bag and ear plugs are one of those things) one pillow below me and one pillow over my head to block out additional light and sound, and then with one arm draped over Charles (who turned out to be of amazing use for me and supporting the arm with the catheter/IV in it) I was woken up around 3am by PCA Art for a check on my vitals. (which was strange at first because from the direction I was facing when I woke up, I saw what i thought were pillows in front of me through the gap between the pillow over my head. Turned out to be Art's scrub pants which were a very pale color) (I have also sense learned, because I asked, that my vitals are checked 4 times a day, at 3 and 7 am/pm) and then,with a readjustment of the pillow and dog, went back to sleep. Eventually to be woken up around 7 for both my steroid pill and vital check (God bless RN Marcy for putting me last on her list so that I could sleep just a wee bit longer). She woke me up and not a minute or two after rousing me I swear I heard a chainsaw revving a room or two down. I asked what it was and Marcy explained that there was some construction going on, that a large private room was being turned into two smaller private rooms (I have also learned that Pastor Clapper once occupied this large room-now-being-turned-into-two once before. Small world, eh) The sound didn't actually last very long, and I was able to once again plop back to sleep.
What woke me up for good was what I thought was more chainsaws or drilling, turned out to be the sound of thunder and lightning. That's what happens when a high pressure heat system rolls in (I may have flunked that meteorology class back in my fall semester but I did learn a thing or two). At the same time when I woke up I realized the light that can be turned on directly in the area between the closet, bathroom, and front door was on which told me someone was there. Turned out to be a guy cleaning my floor and changing the trash, etc. (Nice guy, looked hispanic. He left another set of bed linens on the window sill which means I now have two sets because whenever hospital staff comes to change my bedding I've been in the bed and the staff wants my visit to be pleasant so they're not just gonna grab the bottom blanket and flip me off the mattress so they can change the sheets)
In any case, I pulled open my window shade and watched the lightning and the rain pour for a bit before ordering breakfast (I was a bit hungry. I ended up ordering 4 wedges of french toast, two bacon slices, and apple juice. Except that's weird because they send up juice in these fruit cup like bowls with foil lids. A bit hard to drink out of without spilling.) I decided to channel surf a bit and caught an episode of Phineas and Ferb (awesome show) and then set about seeing if I couldn't do anything to connect to any website considered 'game' category, but with no luck. (I was somewhat worried because last night as my comp was finishing some updates the 'blue screen of death' appeared and considering the problems Adelli has suffered the past month or so I really didn't want to see an error log)(but Adelli booted up fine in Safe Mode and then in regular mode so I'm still able to blog, huzzah!)
Mom called during my meal to ask if I knew any more about when the surgery was, which I didn't. We then chatted about how she would be helping Uncle David move things into storage and I wished her luck!
Shortly after my late breakfast, I got visited by Dad and the boys Shawn, David, and Paul. (Thanks for visiting me guys. I know I can be kinda evil but that's what big sisters are for and you'll understand that all my wicked witchiness was for your own character building because I want you to grow up to be great people which I know you will one day be.) Thanks especially for the 'contraband', the large Jamocha shake from Arby's and the roast beef sandwich was sure tasty. I ended up saving half the sandwich and ate it as my dinner later but it sure filled me right up! Oh, and thanks also for the mini M&Ms i love so much. It was good to chat with you guys, to get that little wolf/husky doll with magnets in its paws so now its hanging from one of my bed posts staring at the door and all who enter my room. It was also great to know you guys enjoyed the sunset on the beach that day you came home late. Well, in any case, everyone's safe and that's what matters.
During that visit Pastor Clapper came up to see me again, and it was fun to know that out of all the hospital visits you've given to people over the years, mine was the most enjoyable. (In my opinion, searching for a patient's room is an adventure in itself!) It was fun chatting with you, and thank you for the moment of prayer before you all left. Felt good knowing even my annoying little bros cared about me and were worried, despite how much we pester each other at home.
My next visitor was Kate and Ginny Weaver, which was a really nice surprise. (Heck, whenever my door opens it's like a suprise because I can't be sure who is gonna come through!) Thanks for my first official 'get well card' and for the chat session about our puppies and kitties that we love so much, and their reaction to fireworks on the 3rd of July (which is when the most fireworks went off as opposed to the 4th).
After you guys left I got visited by Libby and Kathy White, another pleasant suprise, and the center of another fine gab and chat. (Congrats on graduating Libby, and I hope the cake my mom made for your grad party was tasty yesterday!) Talking about Transformers, bloops in movies and comic books, it was a lot of fun and a good time.
Considering that between visits I was sitting reading manga in my window sill (the sky cleared and the sun came out) I guess was kinda dumb because it made my lower back a bit sore, but hopefully this chronic back ache (most likely mostly caused from being so sedentary and from the tumor in my neck) will fade away with time. After all, I have God on my side and He can fix anything and everything, in due time of course and according to his plans.
Thanks also to Steve Meck who came and visited me, assuring me that the pastors and elders will be praying for me because I am on the prayer list (which means if something happens to go wrong during my surgery, I know someone paused in thought to scratch their foot and the prayer thought was broken and caused that blip) Thanks also to Jim Fair who shared his story of his coast-to-coast bike trip and his own experience of pushing his body too hard and ended up briefly hospitalized for it. (Suffered a TIA, bascially a small stroke) It can serve as a lesson for me not to push myself to hard when this surgery is over and I'm on the road to recovery.
Closer to 6:30pm, room service called and asked if I wanted to order dinner, but I still had the rest of the sandwich to wolf down so turned down the offer. Not five minutes later Mom came in with Hacienda for her own dinner considering she'd had a long day and figured she could eat dinner with me as she visited. Thanks also to Karri who came and visited, (eyes looking much better than they did yesterday considering the bit of surgery you had which gave you your eyelids back) and you brought Othello (which turned out to be quite a fun game. To bad we didn't get to finish our first game, but I'm sure there will be time)
Our game was interrupted by Aunt Margy calling telling me she wished me love and luck on my surgery (but if anyone needs luck its the surgeons, not me. I'll be unconscious after all during the whole thing)
I'm was truly shocked to hear how bad the weather was this morning, that the winds and storm kinda damaged the setup for the Italian Fest, blowing away tents and tables (and nearly Uncle Jerry and Jonathon! Good thing they're tough guys, eh?) Thank you for your support and concern Aunt Margy. It's ok that you haven't visited me in person, I understand that you care and are praying for me as I go through all this and that alone gives me comfort.
I was truly happy to be visited by my employer Ann later on, and of course Trace. It's gonna be a while before I can start working at the barn again, and I miss Kay, Bullseye, and Frenchy as much as I miss Nugget sticking his head out to say hi to me when I feed in the morning, the way Yellow snorts and bobs his head and the way Smoke eyes me as I get his grain; the way Rosey has to stalk her stall in a circle as if to warn me off after I give her grain and the way Rain kinda shoves his nose into his bucket before I even put grain inside. There's more horses but I already make these blogs kinda long so I'll simply say I miss morning feeding and doing my job. (who is gonna pick up the rocks from the arena if I'm gone?!?)
It makes sense to me now, why I've denied myself from riding horses even though i've wanted to so badly. Every time I had the opportunity, I'd get a strange sorta doubt in my head about my abilities. What if I lost the reins because of my suddenly less dextrous right hand? What if i held on with my right leg too tight due to the tension that's locked through it for so long? It also explains why I've rolled my right ankle more times this past winter walking through lumpy, frozen paddocks, than any other moment in my life! Less balance, go figure. Hopefully after recovery I won't have these problems and can once again ride. Oh I can't wait. I've got a neck to heal, and you, too, Ann, have to wait for your own back to heal (considering that short flying lesson Nugget gave you at that last show banged you up a bit. At least you're further healed than I am!)
So after Ann and Trace left, with hugs and reassurance that I'll still have a job when I heal (who else can clean horse stalls as meticulosly as me anyway? lol ) and thanks again so much for the hat and t-shirt from that stand of Rick's Tack at the fair. I feel so spoiled, :P, Mom and i looped the floor, got me a Mt. Dew (which, considering the caffeine and the way A.D.D. works actually can make me drowsy, and kinda has) Mom and I played a game of Othello (Mom won, 38 to 28 pts) and after calling for my nurse to see if she didn't yet know when my surgery was, (because earlier in the hall after getting my Dew we passed RN Amy who has been my consistent night RN, and she admitted to hearing something about my surgery being bumped to Wednesday) Amy eventually came in and was able to confirm that it would be tomorrow.
So after a small debate about not wanting anyone hanging around before surgery (I really don't feel like being surrounded by people assuring me I'll be fine because I'm already positive it's gonna be ok) I told Mom she could hold up a sign saying 'see ya later' before I'm prepped or what not.
So, after having a lovely phone chat with Sister Beck (being told of the adventures of Ozzy's jealously of Charle in the basement and how our fat kittypet Lucky is doing. Makes me kinda sad to know Char goes into my room as if looking for me, and happy to know that Lucky feels just fine taking a nap in her corner on my bed even though I'm not there to sorta guard her from any who would bother her. Thanks also Beck for helping me with the NX card I bought and buying that limited time Thunder dragon. Tomorrow is the last day they're offered and with certain sites blocked I wasn't able to take care of that)
Thanks also Beck for truly not being worried about me. It probably is that weird sister mojo we got that assures us that the other is ok, and that we can joke about this, such as how will they operate on me? (with me suspended from the cieling, in a massage chair with my face stuck in a cushion, or even from underneath like a car mechanic) it's good to make light of it, but I still can't help but be a bit nervous. First time for everything (I mean going through major surgery, because I've been nervous lots of times before)
I want to mention how truly grateful I am that, despite it being way past visiting hours, David and Lois Pannabecker came up to see me. It was really incitefull to learn how you had gone through your own neck surgeries Lois (and even though yours was located a vertebrae up and wasn't a tumor but a bone spur problem, recovering will still be similar) and I hope that when we meet again in a few months I'll be almost back to normal (considering what you shared with me and all). Thank you for your prayers and the soul-deep faith you have in God that tells you He'll take care of me just as he took care of you so I have nothing to fear.
On that note, ever since I've been left alone, I keep having those lines from the episode of 'My Musical' from the tv show Scrubs. "You're going to be ok, that's what's going to happen. Everything's ok...We're right here beside you, we won't let you slip away. Plan for tomorrow, cause we swear to you, you're going to be ok....." "I'm going to be ok." "That's what's going to happen." "Everythings ok..." "We will never leave you, right here we will stay, plan for tomorrow, cause we swear to you, you're going to be ok...."
Except for me, I'll probably do better planning for next week instead of tomorrow if I'm gonna be as loopy as everyone assures me I'll be once on pain meds.
So, this is probably my last blog before surgery. It's 1:03 am on my comp, and I still have that slightly nervous tingle, and an ache in the back of my neck in the same place I had a hot sensation on Friday when i was informed of the tumor. That ache is gonna be a HUGE pain no doubt afterwards, but with the grace of God and the time that passes, hopefully it won't ache like this anymore someday soon (and i mean without being on pain meds).
I haven't seen Dr. Snicker today like I thought I would, but I've been since told he's been in surgery ( not on himself of course, but him working on another patient) and considering from what Lois told me, my own surgery may easily take 6 hours, depending on everything the surgical team has to do to get this bad boy out of my back. So I guess I've got no other choice now but to take a deep breath, remember that even though I'm nervous that God is with me and will never desert me; that this will turn out all right (that and Faye Davenport has assured me through Facebook post that Dr. Snicker is one of those miracle surgeons who is known for heroic feats in the world of his field of surgery (just dump the high expectations on him early why don't we) and I really have nothing to worry about)
So I'm gonna brush my teeth before they say I can no longer eat or drink, clip my fingernails (cause they're getting kinda long and God forbid i have long cuticles after surgery) and maybe read a bit so I'm as tired as I can be before surgery so that maybe I won't have as much time to get nervous or have another anxiety attack. Then again, I may not get the chance because I've been told that once the Anathesiologist gives you the draught of sleep, it'll be like saying "nighty nig........."
So sometime around midnight, near the end of my blog entry, Dr. Clayton appears in tank top and shorts, panting, and asks who I'm doing. I tell him no big changes, he says all good, I asked if he had been running and he told me he had jogged up the stairs, said goodnight, and left. Strange, maybe.
So after sleeping well enough (with the earplugs in my ears (because I'm the sorta person who totes the oddest things in my purse/bag and ear plugs are one of those things) one pillow below me and one pillow over my head to block out additional light and sound, and then with one arm draped over Charles (who turned out to be of amazing use for me and supporting the arm with the catheter/IV in it) I was woken up around 3am by PCA Art for a check on my vitals. (which was strange at first because from the direction I was facing when I woke up, I saw what i thought were pillows in front of me through the gap between the pillow over my head. Turned out to be Art's scrub pants which were a very pale color) (I have also sense learned, because I asked, that my vitals are checked 4 times a day, at 3 and 7 am/pm) and then,with a readjustment of the pillow and dog, went back to sleep. Eventually to be woken up around 7 for both my steroid pill and vital check (God bless RN Marcy for putting me last on her list so that I could sleep just a wee bit longer). She woke me up and not a minute or two after rousing me I swear I heard a chainsaw revving a room or two down. I asked what it was and Marcy explained that there was some construction going on, that a large private room was being turned into two smaller private rooms (I have also learned that Pastor Clapper once occupied this large room-now-being-turned-into-two once before. Small world, eh) The sound didn't actually last very long, and I was able to once again plop back to sleep.
What woke me up for good was what I thought was more chainsaws or drilling, turned out to be the sound of thunder and lightning. That's what happens when a high pressure heat system rolls in (I may have flunked that meteorology class back in my fall semester but I did learn a thing or two). At the same time when I woke up I realized the light that can be turned on directly in the area between the closet, bathroom, and front door was on which told me someone was there. Turned out to be a guy cleaning my floor and changing the trash, etc. (Nice guy, looked hispanic. He left another set of bed linens on the window sill which means I now have two sets because whenever hospital staff comes to change my bedding I've been in the bed and the staff wants my visit to be pleasant so they're not just gonna grab the bottom blanket and flip me off the mattress so they can change the sheets)
In any case, I pulled open my window shade and watched the lightning and the rain pour for a bit before ordering breakfast (I was a bit hungry. I ended up ordering 4 wedges of french toast, two bacon slices, and apple juice. Except that's weird because they send up juice in these fruit cup like bowls with foil lids. A bit hard to drink out of without spilling.) I decided to channel surf a bit and caught an episode of Phineas and Ferb (awesome show) and then set about seeing if I couldn't do anything to connect to any website considered 'game' category, but with no luck. (I was somewhat worried because last night as my comp was finishing some updates the 'blue screen of death' appeared and considering the problems Adelli has suffered the past month or so I really didn't want to see an error log)(but Adelli booted up fine in Safe Mode and then in regular mode so I'm still able to blog, huzzah!)
Mom called during my meal to ask if I knew any more about when the surgery was, which I didn't. We then chatted about how she would be helping Uncle David move things into storage and I wished her luck!
Shortly after my late breakfast, I got visited by Dad and the boys Shawn, David, and Paul. (Thanks for visiting me guys. I know I can be kinda evil but that's what big sisters are for and you'll understand that all my wicked witchiness was for your own character building because I want you to grow up to be great people which I know you will one day be.) Thanks especially for the 'contraband', the large Jamocha shake from Arby's and the roast beef sandwich was sure tasty. I ended up saving half the sandwich and ate it as my dinner later but it sure filled me right up! Oh, and thanks also for the mini M&Ms i love so much. It was good to chat with you guys, to get that little wolf/husky doll with magnets in its paws so now its hanging from one of my bed posts staring at the door and all who enter my room. It was also great to know you guys enjoyed the sunset on the beach that day you came home late. Well, in any case, everyone's safe and that's what matters.
During that visit Pastor Clapper came up to see me again, and it was fun to know that out of all the hospital visits you've given to people over the years, mine was the most enjoyable. (In my opinion, searching for a patient's room is an adventure in itself!) It was fun chatting with you, and thank you for the moment of prayer before you all left. Felt good knowing even my annoying little bros cared about me and were worried, despite how much we pester each other at home.
My next visitor was Kate and Ginny Weaver, which was a really nice surprise. (Heck, whenever my door opens it's like a suprise because I can't be sure who is gonna come through!) Thanks for my first official 'get well card' and for the chat session about our puppies and kitties that we love so much, and their reaction to fireworks on the 3rd of July (which is when the most fireworks went off as opposed to the 4th).
After you guys left I got visited by Libby and Kathy White, another pleasant suprise, and the center of another fine gab and chat. (Congrats on graduating Libby, and I hope the cake my mom made for your grad party was tasty yesterday!) Talking about Transformers, bloops in movies and comic books, it was a lot of fun and a good time.
Considering that between visits I was sitting reading manga in my window sill (the sky cleared and the sun came out) I guess was kinda dumb because it made my lower back a bit sore, but hopefully this chronic back ache (most likely mostly caused from being so sedentary and from the tumor in my neck) will fade away with time. After all, I have God on my side and He can fix anything and everything, in due time of course and according to his plans.
Thanks also to Steve Meck who came and visited me, assuring me that the pastors and elders will be praying for me because I am on the prayer list (which means if something happens to go wrong during my surgery, I know someone paused in thought to scratch their foot and the prayer thought was broken and caused that blip) Thanks also to Jim Fair who shared his story of his coast-to-coast bike trip and his own experience of pushing his body too hard and ended up briefly hospitalized for it. (Suffered a TIA, bascially a small stroke) It can serve as a lesson for me not to push myself to hard when this surgery is over and I'm on the road to recovery.
Closer to 6:30pm, room service called and asked if I wanted to order dinner, but I still had the rest of the sandwich to wolf down so turned down the offer. Not five minutes later Mom came in with Hacienda for her own dinner considering she'd had a long day and figured she could eat dinner with me as she visited. Thanks also to Karri who came and visited, (eyes looking much better than they did yesterday considering the bit of surgery you had which gave you your eyelids back) and you brought Othello (which turned out to be quite a fun game. To bad we didn't get to finish our first game, but I'm sure there will be time)
Our game was interrupted by Aunt Margy calling telling me she wished me love and luck on my surgery (but if anyone needs luck its the surgeons, not me. I'll be unconscious after all during the whole thing)
I'm was truly shocked to hear how bad the weather was this morning, that the winds and storm kinda damaged the setup for the Italian Fest, blowing away tents and tables (and nearly Uncle Jerry and Jonathon! Good thing they're tough guys, eh?) Thank you for your support and concern Aunt Margy. It's ok that you haven't visited me in person, I understand that you care and are praying for me as I go through all this and that alone gives me comfort.
I was truly happy to be visited by my employer Ann later on, and of course Trace. It's gonna be a while before I can start working at the barn again, and I miss Kay, Bullseye, and Frenchy as much as I miss Nugget sticking his head out to say hi to me when I feed in the morning, the way Yellow snorts and bobs his head and the way Smoke eyes me as I get his grain; the way Rosey has to stalk her stall in a circle as if to warn me off after I give her grain and the way Rain kinda shoves his nose into his bucket before I even put grain inside. There's more horses but I already make these blogs kinda long so I'll simply say I miss morning feeding and doing my job. (who is gonna pick up the rocks from the arena if I'm gone?!?)
It makes sense to me now, why I've denied myself from riding horses even though i've wanted to so badly. Every time I had the opportunity, I'd get a strange sorta doubt in my head about my abilities. What if I lost the reins because of my suddenly less dextrous right hand? What if i held on with my right leg too tight due to the tension that's locked through it for so long? It also explains why I've rolled my right ankle more times this past winter walking through lumpy, frozen paddocks, than any other moment in my life! Less balance, go figure. Hopefully after recovery I won't have these problems and can once again ride. Oh I can't wait. I've got a neck to heal, and you, too, Ann, have to wait for your own back to heal (considering that short flying lesson Nugget gave you at that last show banged you up a bit. At least you're further healed than I am!)
So after Ann and Trace left, with hugs and reassurance that I'll still have a job when I heal (who else can clean horse stalls as meticulosly as me anyway? lol ) and thanks again so much for the hat and t-shirt from that stand of Rick's Tack at the fair. I feel so spoiled, :P, Mom and i looped the floor, got me a Mt. Dew (which, considering the caffeine and the way A.D.D. works actually can make me drowsy, and kinda has) Mom and I played a game of Othello (Mom won, 38 to 28 pts) and after calling for my nurse to see if she didn't yet know when my surgery was, (because earlier in the hall after getting my Dew we passed RN Amy who has been my consistent night RN, and she admitted to hearing something about my surgery being bumped to Wednesday) Amy eventually came in and was able to confirm that it would be tomorrow.
So after a small debate about not wanting anyone hanging around before surgery (I really don't feel like being surrounded by people assuring me I'll be fine because I'm already positive it's gonna be ok) I told Mom she could hold up a sign saying 'see ya later' before I'm prepped or what not.
So, after having a lovely phone chat with Sister Beck (being told of the adventures of Ozzy's jealously of Charle in the basement and how our fat kittypet Lucky is doing. Makes me kinda sad to know Char goes into my room as if looking for me, and happy to know that Lucky feels just fine taking a nap in her corner on my bed even though I'm not there to sorta guard her from any who would bother her. Thanks also Beck for helping me with the NX card I bought and buying that limited time Thunder dragon. Tomorrow is the last day they're offered and with certain sites blocked I wasn't able to take care of that)
Thanks also Beck for truly not being worried about me. It probably is that weird sister mojo we got that assures us that the other is ok, and that we can joke about this, such as how will they operate on me? (with me suspended from the cieling, in a massage chair with my face stuck in a cushion, or even from underneath like a car mechanic) it's good to make light of it, but I still can't help but be a bit nervous. First time for everything (I mean going through major surgery, because I've been nervous lots of times before)
I want to mention how truly grateful I am that, despite it being way past visiting hours, David and Lois Pannabecker came up to see me. It was really incitefull to learn how you had gone through your own neck surgeries Lois (and even though yours was located a vertebrae up and wasn't a tumor but a bone spur problem, recovering will still be similar) and I hope that when we meet again in a few months I'll be almost back to normal (considering what you shared with me and all). Thank you for your prayers and the soul-deep faith you have in God that tells you He'll take care of me just as he took care of you so I have nothing to fear.
On that note, ever since I've been left alone, I keep having those lines from the episode of 'My Musical' from the tv show Scrubs. "You're going to be ok, that's what's going to happen. Everything's ok...We're right here beside you, we won't let you slip away. Plan for tomorrow, cause we swear to you, you're going to be ok....." "I'm going to be ok." "That's what's going to happen." "Everythings ok..." "We will never leave you, right here we will stay, plan for tomorrow, cause we swear to you, you're going to be ok...."
Except for me, I'll probably do better planning for next week instead of tomorrow if I'm gonna be as loopy as everyone assures me I'll be once on pain meds.
So, this is probably my last blog before surgery. It's 1:03 am on my comp, and I still have that slightly nervous tingle, and an ache in the back of my neck in the same place I had a hot sensation on Friday when i was informed of the tumor. That ache is gonna be a HUGE pain no doubt afterwards, but with the grace of God and the time that passes, hopefully it won't ache like this anymore someday soon (and i mean without being on pain meds).
I haven't seen Dr. Snicker today like I thought I would, but I've been since told he's been in surgery ( not on himself of course, but him working on another patient) and considering from what Lois told me, my own surgery may easily take 6 hours, depending on everything the surgical team has to do to get this bad boy out of my back. So I guess I've got no other choice now but to take a deep breath, remember that even though I'm nervous that God is with me and will never desert me; that this will turn out all right (that and Faye Davenport has assured me through Facebook post that Dr. Snicker is one of those miracle surgeons who is known for heroic feats in the world of his field of surgery (just dump the high expectations on him early why don't we) and I really have nothing to worry about)
So I'm gonna brush my teeth before they say I can no longer eat or drink, clip my fingernails (cause they're getting kinda long and God forbid i have long cuticles after surgery) and maybe read a bit so I'm as tired as I can be before surgery so that maybe I won't have as much time to get nervous or have another anxiety attack. Then again, I may not get the chance because I've been told that once the Anathesiologist gives you the draught of sleep, it'll be like saying "nighty nig........."
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