Bedknobs and Frisbees

      So this is the first post i've written in about two days, mostly because  nothing significant has really happened to write about, but i figure i can find something to write about this afternoon. As Charle pants heavily beside me  (leaning against the love seat with his tug-of-war ball toy by his paws, lest anyone should dare take it from him) and dares to snap at the intrusive fly that's doing laps around the living room. For the past few days Charle has become my means of getting exercise. It's great to have such a loving pet who demands to be played with, it's impossible not to get some exercise with him around, and seeing as he's adopted me and I him (makes me think of that line from the movie Marley and Me:  "A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.") (personally i think that last line would sound smoother if it was put 'he'll give you his heart if you give him yours.')
         At the moment Charle's parents (owners) are out of town for a week but one of their children is staying at their home for the pets' benefit (Charle suffers from separation anxiety). Unfortunately, Charle's parents are not as young as they once were and Charle is 2 1/2, a puppy, and a Golden Retriever, in need of regular activity. So while his parents have been out of town, i've been bringing Charle over to my house early in the morning then returning him around his supper time and feeding him. I get exercise because he's the type of dog that demands that you play with him, so all Charle has to do is give a little whine or drop a ball at my feet and i know he's bored, so we go outside and  i toss one of the 20 or so tennis balls and 4 frisbees in the backyard and before you know it he's huffing and salivating and i've gotten exercise  by walking around to pick up balls and toss them (and now that my right arm is making a comeback, i can actually throw frisbees decently again) and my legs and butt get worked from crouching to pick up the projectiles. And after a little bit of this, we come back inside out of the heat and rest. Before to long Charle once again wants to play and of course i always oblige him.
      And to open up the next subject, i copied this comment from Facebook that Mom posted: "In the pursuit of finding comfort, Sarah has slept in 4 different places since coming home from the hospital.... she actually slept in her own bed last night!"
      Yes it's true, i've slept in 4 different places: Dad's room, the couch in the living room, the couch in the family room, and my own water bed. Out of all those places, the two couches were actully the best so far. Regardless of where i've slept, though, i have woken up in one of two positions: on my back with my left arm curled over the top of my head but not actually touching it, and on my left side with my right hand underneath my neck (to give it extra support i suppose). But also regardless of how i sleep, i always wake up with my neck and top of my right shoulder feeling somewhat sore, that and i've taken on this rather presistant headache that spans the right side of my forehead and then back to the side of my head. Ugh.
     It's been kinda hard trying to get truly comfortable when i go to sleep. My back still gets that 'tightly strung' feeling often, depending on which way i'm lying, and i've even tried sleeping on my right arm (the still partially numb one) with mixed results of feeling as if i wsa floating- that nothing was holding me up- and getting a strange sensation as though my entire arm is about to fall asleep. At least i'm getting sleep, though i tend to stay up late, maybe trying to put off the struggle for comfort.

      Tomorrow (monday) i have an early morning doctor's appointment (general physician) and it will depend on his say-so whether or not i get to go up to my aunt's cabin an hour outside of Ludington, MI for vacation with my family (excuding Becky because she's working). We might even take Ozzy up, Beck is still slightly undecided about it but i'm hoping she'll say yes. With my neck in the condition it is in, i won't be able to do all the things we'd normally do up in Ludington, i mean the rest of the family could but i'd have to sit out and it would be nice to have a companion when they go have some other fun. But it's still up to the doc. whether i can go or not, and since coming home my neck and shoulder has improved, but i also get periodic sensations of queasiness and that headache is still there, not only that but my face has had a major breakout, which has never happened before, and none of my face-wash seems to be helping it clear up, which makes me wonder if it's connected to the strange dots on my left arm that i have to use a prescription cream to help go down.
        In any case, i hope i can go. I haven't been up to the cabin in years and i've missed it. And though leaving means Charle is probably going to suffer from some separation anxiety, Beck has promised to take care of him and play with him when she can. (but there's no replacing me so i know he's gonna be upset)

     Guess all i can do now is take a rinse off to wash away some of the sweat, try another round of washing my face with soap, and then find something to eat that won't actually make  my hurl because of the strange queasiness.
    At least now that Dad made it safely home from Oklahoma yesterday, i have someone who will watch a movie with me tonight (hopefully anyway if he's not too tired!)
    Dad and i had a small chat yesterday in which he admitted to me he never realized just how much i had been debilitated before getting the tumor removed. I gave him an example, and showed him that i could run, i could actually RUN! Without looking like i got shot in the right leg and was hobbling to move. (I did show him how i had been running due to the feeling of tension in my leg, and then i went skipping around in a large circle just because i'm so happy to have such free movement back in my leg). I guess the fact that even my own father didn't realize how bad that tumor was affecting me is some proof that i don't whine about discomfort to much!! Only when people ask if i'm feeling ok. ;)

Backwards Gowns and Mg(OH)2

                       So my last post was written in the wee hours of the morning, and now, after getting a few hours of sleep, i'm writing another post. I wrote in a earlier post that i was writing so i didn't forget certain things during my stay at the hospital, in this post i wanted to write about one of those thoughts.

         One of the things i'm able to do now that i wasn't able to do immediatly after surgery is get myself dressed. Even my first days home Mom had to help me get a shirt over my head because i couldn't even move my right arm correctly. At this point, nearly two weeks after surgery, i have at least 90% of the movement back in my right arm and i can nearly touch my chin to both shoulders (not at the same time of course) which means i can dress myself now (although i'm sticking to tank tops and sleeveless shirts in general because they're easier to get on and off and i usually sleep in beaters anyway so i don't have to change clothes a lot, considering i'm not sweating or exerting a lot, but no worries to anyone reading this - i don't wear a shirt for longer than two days)
            The big difference concerning clothing between the hospital and home, though, is what i wore. At home the emphasis is put on comfort, at the hospital its convenience.

Modeling the 'comfy clothing' (took this the Sunday
before my surgery)

Modeling the hospital gown (took this the morning before i went home)

                                                                                     -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               I had clothes from home i could wear at the hospital (tank top and sleep shorts or lounge pants) but before surgery i donned the hospital gown and stayed in that until the day i went home. Hospital gowns arn't uncomfortable, the only thing is they're open in the back. Even i nearly put it on wrong (like a jacket with the opening in the front) at first, but after surgery i came to appreciate the fact the back was open (except for the fact that the first laces were tied and ended up digging into the back of my neck at certain times which made it hard to get comfortable considering it wasn't until Mom noted the knot and untied it after nearly a day or two after surgery)

            But what makes the gown convenient that it's open in the back is that it makes it easier to use the restroom when you need to go. When you're drugged up and in a lot of pain the last thing you want to have to worry about is getting your underwear down in time to use restroom (and considering i had an IV in me for a few days pumping fluids through me to keep me hydrated, i had to use the bathroom on a regular basis) Considering i had to use a walker to keep my balance those first few days because of how unsteady i was and due to my lack of balance (nerves damaged after all) having that open back was incredibly useful. (that and the bar attached to the wall next to the toilet in the bathroom i held onto often to keep me upright and steady)

             The other nice thing about the gown was that the sleeves were put together with snap buttons which made them hard to put on originally (lucky for me i got a Mom who helped me out)  but considering i couldn't move my right arm or shoulder very well right after surgery, it was easier for someone to snap the sleeve around my arms then slide my arms into the sleeves.

     Of course having an open back can be a little dangerous, considering i made a point in always opening the shade of my window to let in the natural light of day. Considering the windows were only in the patient's rooms (and near the elevators) i felt the nurses would appreciate being able to see sunlight after being in the hallways in artificial lighting so often. Hope no one was looking in my window somehow when i started walking around more!

              Although have a non-open back probably would have been a bit more useful if it was a very absorbant material considering i was sweating a lot those days in the hospital (probably for any number of reasons: being on morphine, being in pain, in an air conditioned room with no fan for circulation, etc.) Instead i'd soak the pillows i was using to support my back and neck when i sat in the recliner during the day in the hospital. It was kinda miserable going through sweats a few times a day, which is why i started watching episodes of 'The Adventures of Lano and Woodly' on YouTube late at night to keep my spirits up (Colin Lane and Frank Woodly were one of the greatest comedy duos of all time. They were with each other for 20 years before going separate ways a few years back, but their comedy routines are still available online for everyone's viewing pleasure)

            The only time i got to wear a hospital gown backwards was on my walks around the floor. Every day in-patient therapy came to make sure the patients get some exercise (the patients that could walk anyway, considering i was on the Neuro/Ortho floor the majority of patients on the floor were probably getting joint replacements, after all i was most likely the youngest person on the entire floor) so after that first day recovering from surgery, two therapists would come in to take me for a walk and when i stood up to grab the walker one of them would drape a second gown on me to cover my backside

              Which reminds me, speaking as a side note, my first day in the hospital before surgery, i was visited by a occupational therapist and a physical therapist. My physical therapist was a guy named Macio (pronouned Mah-chi) and he spoke with a heavy Polish accent. (Not only that but he knew how to actually pronounce the name Jozwiak. It's a Polish/Russian name and it's pronounced Us-we-ak (heavy U sound like in the word 'wound')).  When he first came in and introduced himself i thought he said his name was 'Macho', but was corrected of course. He told me that he would see me after surgery and that i would hate him (probably because he would make me move when i didn't want to because i'd be tired or feel pain) but i actually never saw him or worked with him. Other in-patient therapists walked me around the 8th floor. I did see Macio on the floor but didn't actually work with him, so i never came to hate him. I didn't come to hate any of the therapists. I was glad to get up and moving.

          Which is another thing. Everyone who sees me seems to be totally shocked that i'm as active as i am; walking around, doing activities such as mowing and weeding, walking the dog, and i don't get why everyone seems so astonished. I mean i was in perfect health up until the tumor was found, why shouldn't i have bounced back quickly? The other day someone stopped by the house and i answered the door and the first thing they said (besides 'hi') was 'you're the last person i expected to answer the door'. Kinda makes me wonder if people think i'm just lying around all day or expect me to be quiet and still to heal. No way Jose! I don't want to lose my muscle tone perfected over years working at a horse farm (which has gone away some from lack of use  *cries silently) Kinda  reminds me of a Monty Python sketch in which a hospital believes in making their patients exercise and work to heal, and there are patients with broken limbs and all sorts of injuries and concussions running around, jumping fences, pushing the doctors around in wheelchairs, etc. Except i'm not actually in agony, just got tight muscles and some nerve damage.

             I've got a life to live, and no crink in the neck is gonna hold me back from living the way i want to (although it may limit how much i can do at once...)

               

         Oh, and on one last note, i discovered something interesting today, and that was Mg(OH)2. What is this chemical formula? Its Magnesium hydroxide, AKA Milk of magnesia which is the stuff i drank when i was trying to clear my system that i commented tasted chalky in a post or two back. How did i figure this out? I just happened across it this morning, actually.  Shawn was playing a hand-held version of the tv show 'Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader and one of the questions led me to google an answer, and it led me to a very informative  web page that has a list of several chemical formulas and their names, and as i scrolled down the list i happened to notice Milk of magnesia and voila! Isn't it neat how we happen across interesting facts?

Walking with my Bare Feet On

            So it's 3am on Thursday and thunder has just started rumbling in the sky. Kinda cool too, since i haven't gone to sleep, i've just stayed up on my comp, the first question should be why have i not closed my laptop and gotten sleep. The answer? The same reason i stayed up this late yesterday, because i haven't done anything truly physically exhausting so i'm not actually 'tired'.

         ooo, i just saw white light flicker over the pantry doors, so there's lightning out which means a good storm is rolling in. I do love storms, and rain, and the sound of thunder. Makes me think back to when i was a little kid, how Dad and i would pull out a chair or two and sit on the edge of the garage, just out of the rain, and watch the lightning.

           But it would seem that i forgot that the two 4-legged denizens of the household have a problem with storms, especially these kinds - the ones that have large claps of thunder. Lucky (red tabby with a thyroid problem (in other words she's fat)) and Ozzy (my Australian Shepherd nephew). Lucky i already grabbed trying to make a break for the upstairs where she would no doubt either go into Mom's room and hide behind the bed or go into Dad's room and hide under the bed. I instead opened the door to the basement where Beck resides and she went down there instead, given the option. But opening the door allows Ozzy to come up (he sleeps with his mom) which he has three times now because he's antsy. Poor puppy. I've hugged him each time and pet him to try and calm him. 2nd time he went  back downstairs i heard Beck calling him so hopefully he'll be a little less distressed, but this storm is far from over, considering the flashes of lightning i keep seeing......

       So anyway, i figure that since Monday made it officially a week since i came home from the hospital, i should analyze myself and see how i am.
       Considering the nerve damage done to my upper body, my neck and shoulder are still mostly numb of feeling. The lead i feel in my right arm isn't so much lead as it feels like someone is constantly leaning on my right arm and won't get off. I can now clasp my hands behind my back but i can't raise my arms very high in that position yet. 
         I've had some fantastic headaches the past day or two, in which at one point it felt as if someone unseen force was just increasing pressure across the top of my  head and face (like gravity was increasing on my hair or something). Mom thinks it could be a spinal fluid leak. (which Beck has shared with me that, when the surgeon has to plug the leak, she imagined him pulling the cork out of a bottle of wine then used the cork to plug the leak. Evidently he didn't cork the leak tight enough if it is what's causing the sharp headache) but Mom thinks it's due to my physical activites (which include playing with Charle daily and weeding where i can in the backyard). Ok, mowing two lawns may have been pushing it, but i feel so happy for cutting the lawn and getting that done. Maybe next i should try burning more of the wood pile. For the past few months i've been doing a lot of branch trimming and, thanks to Mom finding a metal fire pit on clearance at Wal-Mart, burning away a lot of twigs and branches that we can't burn in our own fireplace (such as pine. The soot from pine makes a mess of the chimney so we can't burn it in the hearth) but it's great for the fire pit. I don't think it would be to strenous of an activity, considering i had gathered a load of twigs and branches to  burn back before all this medical stuff started happening, so all i gotta do is feed the fire and not get to pyromanic (which is likely to happen, it happens often when i start burning the scraps) 

          I've still got this strange pimply rash on the left side of my face. It's a major breakout, perhaps conncted to the strange bumps on my left arm, but whatever caused it, i want it to go away! Mom tells me (because she knows so much more than i do on things related to health) that stress could be the possible cause, that my body is reacting to everything thats been going on to it. I think it could be caused by how badly i was sweating that week in the hospital. I was sweating a lot, an increase in blood flow (i think) due ot the pain i was feeling and the morphine i was on. Whatever the cause,  hopefully it'll clear up soon, just as the strange bumps on my left arm are slowly doing (so long as i diligently apply the steroid cream, and no, it dosen't seem to be making my arm any stronger. dang it, i'll never be able to throw a baseball like a major league pitcher!) 

     But other than those things, the small odds and ends, my balance is coming back nicely, and i'm walking around in my bare feet all over the place. I've gotten hooked on going barefooted as often as i can. Considering my circulation issues (and a while back the tension in my leg made it impossible for me to roll my foot for the natural way of walking) and after reading an article about the perks of going barefoot, i've been working at it. Such as walking on our road, which is pretty smooth, but the connecting neighborhood behind where we live has a much rougher pavement, which last year ended up tearing up some of my toes, but today Beck and I took Charle and Ozzy on a walk (i barefoot) and walking on that rougher road wasn't so bad as it once was, which tells me that my feet are indeed toughening, which is way cool in my opinion.

         Now i'm starting to beginnings of another headache, but this one may be from actually needing sleep,and i'm finally starting to feel slightly tired so i think i'll end here and see if i can't get some sleep and add another blog in a few hours, when i wake up :)  


and now it's 4am

Fighting the Ache

             So i went to bed late last night reorganizing several hundred photos into general catagories/folders on Adelli, and went to sleep with a slight ache pinging somewhere on the right side of my head just beyond my forehead. Then 6:30am came around and the little pinging had turned into grating. The right side of my head felt like it was being ripped apart, and i had left my pain meds in my room (i was sleeping in Dad's bed because my own bed is covered with stuff, from laundry to other odds and ends such as books, cards from the hospital i have yet to organize, etc.). The pain was excruciating and i did attempt to adjust the way my head was lying to see if it would ease but the pain didn't let up, and if there's one thing i've learned from this whole experience it's that if i actually want relief i need to get active.

              So after trying to massage my head a bit with no ease or relief, i finally got up and went after the vicadin, only for the pain to ease away a bit now that i was upright. I took the pain meds and returned to bed, rearranging the pillows to see if lying differently would help, but every time i laid down the pain increased. I finally managed to stack the pillows in a way so i was at an incline, sleeping kinda like i had on the hospital bed, and then woke up again somewhere between 9 and 10 because of little brothers. I know Mom was shushing them and telling them to be quiet, which is why i was able to drift back to sleep during that time and wake up officially a little past 10, this time with a distinct crink in my neck because i had slid down the pillows so my back was flat but my head was being held up, and there also remained a dull ache somewhere behind my right eye.

                 So i got out of bed and heard the door to the garage close so i went downstairs and poked my head out and caught Beck about to pull out and go to work. After being told where everyone was (Mom had the boys and would be back later, etc.), i took my morning meds (and another pain med) and then decided that i didn't want to be alone so i went across the street and brought Charle over. After a few ball throws and a few awkward frisbee tosses, i decided that despite the fact Mom keeps warning me to take it easy, i couldn't wait around any longer. There's a difference between doing something you're own way and having someone else do it while you oversee them do it so you can have them do it your way (which is what Mom keeps telling me to do for lots of things).
                So, with Mom not around to tell me i'd regret it, i got the lawn mower out and proceeded to mow the backyard (which Shawn was supposed to do but being a child with ADHD has a tendency to shirk responsbilities). Considering the sporadic rain over the past few days and the fact that the lawn had last been mowed a few days before i returned from the hospital, there were several parts of the lawn with rather high grass. The sky was slightly overcast this morning so dew was still on the lawn so the grass was wet and yet...

              By 2pm i had mowed the backyard, the front yard (which had been mowed by Shawn but that was a day or two ago so it had grown a bit), my neighbor's front yard (by then the mower ran out of gas but my neighbor's backyard didn't need mowing anyway so that worked out nicely), applied grass seed to certain sparse areas in the backyard i've been meaning to see if i can't patch up, and took a shower. Mom had, of course, given me no less than three warnings about pushing myself to hard but i hadn't been in any pain during any of the activity. No headache either, so maybe getting the blood moving was a good thing. 
              I fully intended to have lunch but somehow ended up not having it, (although suprisingly enough, while i was doing my best to dry my hair, Mom poked her head in and told me Pastor Clapper from church had stopped by to give me a mint oreo blizzard from Dairy Queen. At the same time as i'm grateful for the ice cream i can't also help but feel slightly spoiled. I mean i know 'Sarah' means 'princess' in Hebrew but really now. But the ice cream was happily accepted, and many thanks to Pastor Clapper for the treat. God bless you Clapper!) maybe because since i woke up with the sharp headache i've also felt a touch of queasiness.
           I don't know where this queasiness came from. It feels slightly like the sensation when i didn't have a BM for so many days at the hospital and was plugged up but i have had a BM on a more regular schedule as a body should have so that can't be it. Food goes down and it's not like i feel as if i need to puke, and yet this uneasiness in my stomach has me slightly concerned. One thought of what it might be was that i may have possibly ingested a tiny bit of a steroid cream for the strange lumps on my left arm that could be impetigo (and are slowly vanishing thanks to the prescribed cream). A day or two after returning home the side of my face broke out with a rash and a few pimply marks appeared across my cheeks. Mom suggested putting some of the cream on the rash because it appeared around the time the marks on my arm did, which means if i rubbed any of that cream on my chin or cheeks there remains the small possibility i licked it at one point, but that's a very small possibility, and still not likely.

               In any case, i ended up going back outside, Charle faithfully following me wherever i go (he's my buddy!) and we played fetch a bit longer. The humidity dropped drastically considering what it has been the past few days (Mom even turned the AC off and opened up the house it feels so nice) and staying outside in the slight breeze and shade from the thornless Locust and wild cherry trees was just nice. Not only that but the grass is now mowed to a decent height (courtesy of moi) so i  was able to better spot a particular weed that i cannot remember the exact name of, all i can say for description is that it resembles clover but is a lighter shade of green and occasionally has a tiny yellow flower with it. It's a pretty common weed (the leaf shape is similar to Columbine, so much so that i accidentally ripped out two or three Columbine flowers of Mom's that surround our mailbox about a month or so back) that i rip out all the time from among Mom's strawberry plants and near my birdfeeders. So why do i mention this weed? Because after tossing a ball for Charle for a while, i ended up just sitting in the grass, enjoying the wind and the sun and the shade, and my eye just started catching onto patches of the weed around the backyard so i started to weed.
             It should be noted that i still have this wound up tension along my neck and right arm/shoulder, so crawling around on hands and knees was a bit trickier that what it would normally be, and yet it was interesting at the same time. I may have gotten some more flexibility in my neck too, considering how i was moving my neck around looking over the lawn. How long i was actually out there i'm not sure, because before i actually got to the weeding i spent time with a hoe breaking the ground in areas i had spread the grass seed (if i didn't the birds would probably go for it and so would defeat the purpose of spreading grass seed) and then turned the sprinklers on for a bit to let it settle. Mom of course told me at least twice i was gonna reget doing all this, that i'll be a wreck tomorrow, but even so it feels good to get this work done.

             Some time while i was weeding and throwing tennis balls and frisbees for Charle as i crawled around, i eventually just laid back in the grass with a hand behind my head and just relaxed on the lawn for a while. The slight breeze, lack of humidity, and lying in the shade of evening was real nice. Of course somewhere along the way Charle came over, rubbed himself against me and then laid down next to me...for about five minutes. Then he picked up a tennis ball and dropped it on me in hopes that i would throw it, and of course i obliged him. He brought it back two more times before he laid himself between my spread legs with the ball in his mouth. I spent nearly an hour maybe just sitting there petting him in the grass. It was all very peaceful. During that time i noticed a female Ruby-throated hummingbird hovering around the branches of the thornless locust only to then buzz over to the open blooms on the Rose of Sharon near the birdfeeders and then humm around other flowers that are on the deck. I got pictures of it too, but i'll have to add them in the next post because i haven't yet downloaded them. (yes, Nikomaru was out on the lawn with me when i was weeding. I never go to far without my camera, to many amazing opportunities present themselves only at certain times so i always have to be ready)

         Of course the peace was broken eventually. I'd say with Beck's return from work. I had to return Charle to his home so he could have his dinner and then i had to eat dinner too (considering i had also missed lunch) and it is by several gracious and amazing families from church who have given us dinner meals this past week that  enabled us to have a really good dinner tonight (a beef stew, yummy!) so no one starves despite us being busy so lately. I'm unaware who provided tonight's dinner, but it was excellent.

          So now here i am, writing a blog. I am a bit tired, and i think i may even just go to sleep down here in the living room tonight. It's cooler down here, and the headache has returned so i don't want to move to far. Whether this headache is caused from me pushing to hard or is just something weird through this healing process, i know i can withstand it because God hasn't thrown anything at me yet He knew i couldn't deal with (and the only reason i knew i could deal with it at all is because i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!)
             

Get Smart

      One thing i've mentioned before is that healing from a neck surgery requires me to not move too much. Even so, i've mowed parts of the back yard, (to Mom's horror) played with Charlie (neighbor's dog), walked up and down the street barefoot (because i like my feet tough) without my walker, and now make it a point of resuming my leg stretchs to stay flexible. I can't do my toe touches, because to bend over pulls on my neck, but i can do lunges and stretch by holding my leg high like on the back of furniture. But recently it's been really damp out, rain coming in and out of the area, so staying inside is pretty much my only option the past few days. 

         Luckily God is always looking out and presents opportunities. In this case, the past few days i've been able to work at the restoration of the files of my laptop. Back in June, Adelli (name i gave my laptop) got hit by some corrupt data and it took me nearly the entire month to get her repaired. I lost nearly two months worth of photos (and for someone who takes photos obssesivly, and is majoring in photography, it was a near-fatal blow to lose the data) but now, forced to take things a bit easier, i've been able to focus on clearing away old files and reorganizing my laptop back to the way it nearly was. 
       This is merely one way i see how God allows things to happen. He presented me with a task that needs to be done and i wouldn't usually find as much time to do if i was 100% healthy as opposed to needing rest. 
        The one thing i haven't been able to stand though is being totally alone. Yes, i like my privacy, but to completely resume my old habits would mean for me to close myself off in my bedroom to be on my comp. What i've done instead is moved Adelli downstairs in the living room. The coffee-table raises up so Adelli is on level with me, which is good, and the couch is comfy enough to sit on so all is good. At the same time the TV is across the room, but instead of subjecting myself to whatever my brothers choose to watch for cartoons (and there's a whole bunch of junk as far as cartoons go these days) i've decided to rewatch Get Smart. The old tv show has been released (every season) and i bought for my dad the entire series, and because i've come to enjoy it as much as Dad has, and since i have a lot of free time on my hands suddenly, i've started a sort of marathon of Get Smart, and the best part is i've got Shawn and David hooked on it. 
         So now i work at my laptop in the living room, watching Get Smart, and Shawn and David just sit with me and watch. With the weather being as icky as it has been, watching Get Smart keeps them occupied, is a decent show, and isn't anything bad or inappropriate. Makes me feel good to be able to share it with the boys the way Dad shared it with me. Next i should see if i can't get them hooked on Gilligan's Island or something along those lines. I can remember being a kid and watching Gilligan's Island on Saturdays with Dad, and i miss them. Besides, with all the photos that got 'un-edited' (i had been editing photos but with the laptop crash all my work got erased) i may be able to get through all of it. 
              
       Of course, at night when the boys go to bed i watch one of my comedy movies. I'm big on comedy and I owe Dad big time for introducing me to movies such as the Naked Gun, Airplane, and the films of Mel Brooks (Spaceballs, Blazing Saddles, etc). Not that i only watch comedy, but i seem to be stuck on that theme recently. Guess i'm trying, in a way, to use one of the greatest remedies for healing, and that is laughter. Besides, everyone knows that having a positive attitude is much better for recovering in the long run. And sharing a silly movie or tv show with others only spreads smiles.    

The Truth about Resting to Long (BMs and Pain Meds)

       There's been a certain thought that's stuck with me concerning my time on pain meds that i have yet to write a post about and i want to talk about because it's something i never realized. I'm not saying i won't forget, but i may forget my exact thoughts on it unless i get the thoughts out, and that is the truth of what pain meds do to the body, besides relieve pain.

  So one of the first things i can remember after surgery was one of the most important things to the nursing staff taking care of me during my night in recovery and that was to make sure i had the 'nurse call' button and the button to the morphine pump. As you can see from these two photos i've added, (these taken when i was back in my hospital room) i had a good grip on the 'call' button in my left hand and the morphine button in my right hand.

       



So, as i was saying, i had the two buttons. I was told that i could click the morphine button every 10 minutes, something i was only able to know i could do if a little green light flashed on the button. I could click the button as often as i wanted  but it would only give me more every 10 minutes. (of course it was kinda hard at first because my fingers still are numb -nerve damage and all from the past year or so carrying a tumor in me- so i had trouble finding the morphine button and so would fumble around with my right hand trying to find it, only to give up and use the 'nurse call' button so the nurse could position my finger over the button)
      Anyway, as great as it is to not feel the pain and discomfort of cut apart neck muscles, a missing bone fragment, and the new empty space in my spinal column that a mynengioma tumor was occupying, pain is a good thing. Suffering makes us tough, and besides that even the Bible declares that God will not force upon us more than we can bear.  James 1:13 says, "When under trial, let no one say: "I am being tried by God." For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone." So God does not bring problems on us. He is not the source of the trials we may face, but he does allow us to be tried, and as the scriptures explain he will help us if we rely on him.

       But the other thing pain meds do to a person is block up the body.  This was first brought to my attention my first day in the hospital (that Saturday morning when i was admitted) and my PCA came to give me my meds. She offered me a little orange gel pill and told me it was a suppository. Understanding what that is, i asked her if it was necessary for me to have it and i asked why i was being given it. The answer? People on pain meds tend to have trouble having bowel movements because pain meds slow up the system.
      Of course after explaining that i wasn't on pain meds at the time i didn't have to take it, but once on the morphine i did start to take the suppository. That means i was on it Wed, Thurs, Fri, and Sat, following surgery and apart from relieving all fluids from my body (considering i was on an IV that was pumping fluids to keep me hydrated besides an extra pump attached with morphine) but i wasn't getting my system cleared out, and techincally the last time i had had a BM was Monday before surgery. So this meant that by Saturday i was actually feeling sick i was so clogged up.

       At this point i now knew what my little bro Paul feels like when he hasn't been able to have a BM for a while. Usually the day before he gets the turd out of  his body (a turd me, Mom, and Beck always have to stare once in disbelief at because we can't figure out how something that huge could be stuck within such a small child)  he lies around the house acting a bit grumpy and moody because he feels sick. That's exactly how i felt by Saturday. It was hard to want to eat anything because my stomach felt queasy, as if i ate anything more i'd puke and what we really wanted ('we' being me and nursing staff) would be for the junk to come out the other end.
       Truth of the matter is, pain meds dull the system from pain (at least that's how i think they work) but also lying around for a few days with no great physical exertion also dosen't add to the problem of getting the bowels moving. So knowing that i was feeling ill from getting clogged up, my RN gave me 'milk of manganese'  (at least i think that's what it's called)  which is supposed to act as a laxative (and tastes horribly chalky despite looking like coffee creamer) but even after taking that nothing happened. Farting was fine, so it's not like my rear exit was impacted or anything, things were just not moving through my intestines and other organs that waste moves through.

         By Saturday afternoon, i finally said to my RN that we were going to have to take the last drastic measure to clear me out, in other words an enema. As much as i cringed at having to have one, sometimes you just have to know when you need help. So, with a nod at Mary my RN that day, we agreed it was time for the drastic measure, and was given an enema to see if that couldn't clear out my system. I was told, after it being given, that i needed to try to hold the liquid that is the concoction that flushes your system in for at the very least 10 -15 minutes. Unfortunatly, God has a sense of humor. 
       What does that mean? That means that about a minute or two of just lying on my bed focusing on being quiet and holding back my bowels, Dr. Schnittker chose then to come and see how i was doing. Of course he comes over and asks how i'm feeling and i'm a person who believes in always being honest, especially when medicine is concerned, so i told him "not so good at the moment actually" and explained that i was trying to clear my bowels
      And Dr. Schnittker is a really nice guy, i mean really, even he smiled and kinda chuckled when he realized how bad his timing was at the moment. He did try to be quick and ask the other general questions and tell me a thing or two, such as he wouldn't be at the hospital tomorrow but his partner Dr. Yount would be coming by to check on me instead. And i know he said a thing or two more, but at that point i was doing my best to not explode. So as  Dr. Schnittker turned to leave i asked him if he couldn't see if the nurse was out  there too. I was still attached to the IV stand and had to hold onto a walker getting around my room, but in this case i was ready to risk staggering all over the place because my bowels were screaming the need to being evacuated and the toilet is on the other side of the room. Luckily Mary got there fast enough, and though she told me i really hadn't held the stuff in that long, she wasn't going to stop me! Here i was screaming in my head 'hurry up!' because the wheels on the IV stand didn't roll around the bathroom door at first, so it was almost a close call backing up, grabbing onto the bar on the wall for stability and sitting down to empty my system. 
        
         It truly was amazing, the feeling after getting my colon irrigated. The queasy sensation in my stomach vanished, i ate my first decent meal since surgery (chicken ceasar salad) and i felt better all over. I didn't clog the toilet like Paul has been known to do because he holds back for so long (i know better than a 6-yr-old that it's better to get it out than hold it in) but i did get some waste product out, and suddenly i felt so much better. 

       The truth about pain meds is that they clog your system, and getting your system unclogged is a glorious feeling. Of course, i'm writing this blog and realize that i haven't had a BM since that Saturday, so i can only hope that with more physical movement (being more active and being home will hopefully keep my system moving), drinking juice, eating different meals, will hopefully lead to normal system functions. I still am on pain meds (oral) and though i can take two every four hours i've been laying off as much as i can. I asked if i could get my IV off that Saturday and so i've been on the oral meds since then, and hopefully without the constant fluid pushing through me i was hoping it wouldn't clog my system anymore.   
          One way or another, i've been holding off on the pain meds. The most i've taken of the oral meds since coming home are two at night and one in the morning each day, otherwise i've been dealing with the pain and truth be told it's not so much a throbbing or sharp pain. As my neck heals, the discomfort i feel is more similar to severe muscle strain rather than actual pain; as if a heated gel pad or ice pak would help relax the tension in my neck and right shoulder/arm and after a bit of that therapy i could resume my old routine.
     Of course it's gonna take time, not just heat/cold therapy, but i'm determined to do it with as little reliance on pain meds as possible.
        

Snapping at the Restraints (Pushing the limits)

       Ok, so it seems kinda obvious that i'm an active sort of person. Before all this medical fun started i worked 5 days a week out at a barn cleaning stalls and doing other demanding physical labor including lots of yard work, weeding, branch clearing and pruning, and just staying active! Even playing with my dog Charle is activity (although technically he's not my dog, he's my neighbor's and over the past year or two through a series of interesting events has turned me into his companion with access to his home almost whenever i'd  like so i can play with him and whatnot, so i end up calling him my dog)

          So after actually somehow situating the pillows in such a way that i didn't have neck ache, i ended up spending quite a while just trying to get  my back feeling supported. But at least i woke up this morning without that thrumming tension down my spine. So after waking up and lying there in bed a moment, i sighed because i could only think that i was tired of lying around. I know it's safer for me to do, to stay more sedentary, but i've been mostly sedentary for almost two weeks, i'm tired of resting! Granted, neck injuries and nerve damage should be taken seriously as far as healing goes, but,  but...i'm losing weight from lying around! I'm gonna lose my mega hay-bale tossing biceps by sitting around blogging all day! I need to stay proactive!
        
        So after turning my neck slightly from side to side to see if there's any improvement as far as rotation is concerned (i'm not thinking to the degree an owl can, but i can't touch my chin to my shoulders yet either) i got up and collected my arsenal of vitamins and necessary drugs including one pain med and went downstairs and got me breakfast. I kept moving forward, even went and got the paper without using the walker to get to the end of the drive without getting dizzy.
      I sat down to eat 3 waffles with David at the table, read the comics, and after i had done that, decided i wanted to do some yard work, but since Mom is so against me using the lawn mower (but the lawn neeeds to be cut!!!argh, i wanna do it so badly. And it wouldn't be that hard, i mean the lawn mower could sorta act like a walker) but i held myself back and instead decided to pick up sticks around the yard. I figured it wasn't to laborous. I went over to get my dog Charle from my neighbor and Charle kept me company as i picked up sticks. Charle dosen't so much like the humid weather either, but he'll never pass up  a chance to chase a ball once it's thrown, and luckily my left arm isn't as affected as my right arm so i can still throw underhand for him to fetch. (Charle is a golden retriever, 2-yr-old) and so spent a while crouching, bending slightly, and stooping a bit, and then leaning on my walker a bit  if i felt a little dizzy or tired, but it felt so great to just be outside! I've been stuck in the AC for so long that the blast of humidity and the slight breeze that was present this morning felt really great.

          I watered some flowers and Charle played in the hose a bit (he loves water!) and then came inside for a bit. I had bought Charle a new toy the day i ended up going to the hospital so now i could try it out. It's a tennis ball with a rope through it, but this dog loves tug-of-war, so it's perfect. I led us down to the basement where Beck (my sister) dwells and woke her up (she needed to get up anyway) by showing her the toy. And then i sat on the end of her bed and played tug-of-war with Charle a bit, which in retrospect may not have been the greatest idea. My left arm is ok, but i'm tugging against an 80lb puppy who has limitless energy, and i ended up pulling with my right arm first. That did eventually lead to this band of tension running along the back of my shoulders, up one side of my neck and suddenly i had a bit of a throb near the front of my head, so i did take a break, but i resumed playing with him not long after. Headache was a bit persistant...

       So for the majority of this day i've not been to still. The tension in my shoulders has eased a bit, but with a puppy constantly asking for love and attention who can stay still? I wuv my puppy dog! (gives Charle a scratch and a kiss because he's sitting beside me right now panting at my leg with a ball in his mouth) and the day isn't over yet! Hopefully i'll go to sleep a lot easier tonight anyway being at least a little worn out. But i really don't want to lose a lot of my muscle tone so staying active is the way for me to be, i guess i'll soon find out when or if i can push myself to hard...so far so good though !

Catching Up to Yesterday (the rest of Tuesday) Part 2

         So in part 1 i got carried away with talking about the difference of sleeping at home and the hospital, and i left off with waking up Tuesday morning, so i'll pick up from there.

   So, i woke up, i was breathing in the familiar scents of Dad's room, and then i heard the 'buzz'. i was thinking it was the literal sound of my back thrumming, but it turned out instead to be a jumbo house fly who found its way into the room and became hell-bent on irritating me. I slept without covers last night, so the fly was having fun landing on my leg, arm, hands, etc. But it decided to buzz around my head the most. I honestly think it was drawn to the small of my week old unshowered hair and the slight odor coming from the bandages on my neck. (and yes, there has been an odor coming from back there, most likely a combination of sweat, betadine, and maybe something else. (Betadine, at least Mom and I think that's how it's spelled, is a topical antiseptic that is applied liberally during surgery to the area being operated on. I ended up having it all over my chest, stomach, in my hair, scalp, back, shoulders..guess they really didn't want me to be infected, but i did say they applied it 'liberally', and it could've easily dripped or spread around as well when applied, all i know is that i was covered in the orange stuff and considering the bandages on my neck had some of my hair trapped underneath and that also got covered, altogether it created a smell))

         So this fly was torturing me, reminding me just how important today was for another reason, because today i got my staples out. (and i do mean like industrial sized staples). Mom eventually poked her head in, and, finding me awake asked if she couldn't bring me something to eat, but i told her i needed to stay proactive and get moving, so she helped me sit up (i can't help but add 'creaking' sound effects when i move in the morning because i feel stiff) and with some help downstairs, mom was able to pop a pair of waffles into the toaster for me, and i slathered them in PB and syrup, cut them myself, and took all my meds (including the steroid decadran, which is for antinflammatory and i have to be slowly weaned off it, but have to take it two times a day, etc..) 

       After all that, i once again stared out into the backyard and was hit and the urge to do yardwork, which i've been doing a lot of, but won't really be able to do to the great extremes i've been doing for a while. But the grass needs mowing, there are weeds that need pulling, (its enough to make me just want to say 'to hell with it!' and get out my gloves and go to work) but instead i reigned myself in and enlisted Shawn and David's help in refilling my birdfeeders. 

          Taking stock, my thistle sock feeder needed refilling, as did my squirrel proof feeder (it has a cage around it making it hard for squirrels to get to the seed) and then i have a feeder than can turn into finch feeder or the openings cans be changed for other seed to be eaten out of it, another thistle feeder, and then a general seed feeder (vertical long ways), and then a white seed feeder i always fill with safflower (cause squirrels don't like it but the cardinals do).  So after asking Shawn to wash out the base of the interchangeable feeder (because it had moldy seed crusted in the bottom) and with David's help i refilled the squirrel proof feeder, the long one, and (after some rummaging in my cooler full of bird things i have in the garage) the feeder i use for safflower. But i  need to get more safflower, it didn't really fill it to much. But it felt great to fill the feeders, even if one feeder is devoured of all its contents by house sparrows/finches within a few hours. (talk about ravenous, and very piranha-like!) due to it be just a generic wild-blend. 

        And then of course there were those persistant little weeds that are always popping up from between the rock cover i've placed in the area that i just had to pull out (i really should find out what they are exactly, maybe they aren't actually weeds, but they only grow up through the rocks, are easy enough to pull out, and i did catch them in a flower pot on the other side of the yard which means it could've been spread somehow...)

    ANYWHO, so the mission of the morning was to get the boys fed so Mom and I could drop them off at Kathy Strickland's so that Mom and i could then travel to Dr. Schnittker's office in Elkart to get the staples removed from my neck. So after Mom helped me get a different shirt top on (built in bra, cami-top, really easy to get on without to much difficulty. Thanks Mom for letting me borrow it) and i was able to get other shorts on, we deposited the children in the capable hands of Kathy (thanks again so much for watching them Kathy. You're an amazing person, considering you can keep up with three energetic, ADHD boys) 

     Giving ourselves extra time to find the office, Mom and i did get slightly loss around the area of the Elkart hospital, but after briefly asking for directions at the Outpatient Therapy desk (Bridge st turns into arcade ave right after south blvd, so where the heck does it go,, through the hospital? etc,etc) we managed to find the parking lot and then the main building, and with the help of my walker (technically it was Grandpa Ralph's walker but since he's at St. Paul's now he dosen't actually need it. God certainly does have great timing for these things, such as knowing how i would need a walker and so supplied one to us in a moment of need, and a really good walker too, with breaks, and a seat, a little basket and pouch, hehe)
         I'd have to say i really like the inside of the office. I took a pic or two of the interior and the furniture so everyone else could see. There was this nice olive green color to the office and was just really pleasing to my artistic senses. The furniture color and patterns i also appreciated (ack! I'm an art nerd) 

               Eventually Mom and I were showed back to one of the rooms and then came the moment of truth, the removing of the bandages. With Mom holding Nikomaru at the ready (for those who are unaware, i tend to name any technological object i use often so that if it starts to struggle i can encourage it by name rather than call it a worthless piece of junk, or something else like that. Nikomaru is the name of my Nikon Coolpix P100) i got the bandages removed. The lady who removed them was really nice too, and was really sympathetic for me to, being careful as she could while peeling the patches away. My skin was red, irritated, a bit hairy (including a rubber band or two that had been wound into the hairs at nape of my neck during surgery. Mom cut out most of them a day or so after surgery, but one or two had still been stuck beneath the bandages), orangy from the betadine still left, and stapled.  

                   After that, it was just to remove them. Mom counted 23 staples, and after looking at the photos later i think that's what i counted too, but i may have miscounted. Mom was right when she said i had this 'reverse frankenstein' look, considering the staples were in the back instead of having bolts in the side or front. The staples came out pretty easily too. The most i felt was something like a pinch. Of course there was also the persistant pressure at the back of my skull and the tense line up the left side of my neck, but that's nerve damage and will just take time to ease.

           After a short wait, Dr. Schnittker came in to see  Mom and myself and i was able to shake his hand and thank him for pretty much saving my life here. I got to show him how much more i could flex my right leg (and i really have gotten flexion back in my foot, hooray!) although my hand is still tingly numb on the pads of my fingers (briefly stretches fingers out so they're pulled taut) and then point out to him it still feels like my right shoulder is a block of lead and still very stiff. That and i have numbness around the area. Mom demonstrated by poking me and I explained i didn't know if she was jabbing me or not, well, depending on where she was poking me anyway.
   

        The next thing to ask Dr. Schnittker about was something I discovered upon taking a shower yesterday. Upon my left arm are four patches of pimply bumbs, kinda blistery. I discovered them when i took off the bandage a nurse had out over my arm when removing the catheter on my left arm on Saturday. (i had asked if i could get it removed because it was being used and i had another IV in my other arm. But those bumps weren't there before) My first thought was that they were pimples caused by sweat from where the catheter had been, but i showed it to Mom and she told me it looked more like a Staff infection (fast spreading bacterial infection that, despite all precautions taken in hospitals, is still pretty common. It comes in many different varities) 

         So Dr. Schnittker looked at it and then told us he'd have Tonya his assistant look at it because "i'm just a simple neuro-surgeon" (by far one of the greatest lines Mom or I have ever heard and a great statement about this guys character, that he can be humble enough to admit he dosen't know medicine in general, just his area of expertise, and there is nothing simple about neuro-surgery that i know of!) and Tonya has training as a nurse practicioner. 
        Tonya did look it over and after some talking admitted it looked more like Impetigo (im-puh-TIE-go: is a highly contagious skin infection  that is more common around the mouth than the inner forearm) and so gave us a prescription for a steroid cream and said she'd call Thursday to check up on how it looked.

        After running a few errands and picking up the boys we went home and Mom and i were able to do the one thing i have been waiting for so long to do. Wash my hair. Considering its been over a week it was time, and oh God, God bless showers and water and soap. Mom of course had to do the washing because i lack the dexerity and movement and feeling to do it myself (right arm like lead and all and the nerve damage still there) and even that felt great. It meant the rest of the betadine could get washed away as well as anything else.
     While at the hospital, Mom had given me a sort of improvised hair wash because i couldn't get the bandages wet, in which she soaked a rag and rubbed and scrubbed it over the area of my head we could get wet. During those washes with the rag, i was also able to find out the places where they probably had clamps on my head just  because two areas in partiuclar above my ears but higher on my skull are still kinda sore, not only that, but during those washes mom was able to get some betadine out of my hair and several dark flecks off my skull that look a lot like dried blood, but no matter.
        Because i got home today and Mom lathered on the soap and rubbed it into my oily blond tresses as we let the shower head spray water over my scalp and down my neck  and shoulders and it felt GLORIOUS! GOD BLESS SHOWERS! Mom used one of her own shampoos first (one that lathers easily) only to not get a lather because my hair was so greasy. She used a healthy amount of my own shampoo on the repeat and we finally got some good suds worked up. Mom also carefully washed my neck (not aloud to scrub back there for three weeks) and with the meticulous nature that comes with caring for children for years, I got washed by my Mom, which is one of things you never think will have to happen once you've learned to do it yourself as a kid, but God throws some fast balls at ya and suddenly what you least expected is happening. 
         There was a point Mom pressed on the side of my neck and all i can say is that it felt weird. It didn't hurt, but it was like some straight line of numbness from below my right ear to the base of my neck. Nerve damage is interesting. 

   I felt 'me' or at least human again once Mom helped me get a shirt over my head and my hair slightly toweled. I also just felt like collapsing. It's amazing how much energy got drained throughout the day despite having not done a heckuva lot. Mom reasons with me that my body has undergone a great trauma and considering the area where this healing is centered is around one of the most vital places on the human body, it's not really suprising for me to feel tired after bursts of activity. I agree with her, it makes perfect sense, i just didn't expect to be hit with such a wall of weariness the moment after i flopped back onto Dad's bed after the shower and just sat for a while doing nothing more than breathe.

         It's hard for me to get the gumption to do stuff once i flop back and get comfortable, but i managed to get enough momentum to download pics from my camera at long last, and edit a few so i could post some  at last. This being done as i watched Bambi and then a little later introduced David (who wandered in near the end of Bambi to watch with me)  to the Danny Kaye film the Court Jester. (he watched it with me, and i think he enjoyed it. It is a fun movie :) Maybe i should introduce David to musical theatre, hmmmm.....)

     So, at long last, it was time to get ready for bed (and boy was that an adventure. Paul has become a little menace these past two days and i'm torn between hitting with an elephant tranquilizer so he just stops or beating this nasty behavior out of him the way you beat dirt out of rugs. Of course neither way is humane so i'd never do it, but i can always imagine me doing it and dream about the effects. In any case, that's why Mom is so much better at metting out the disicpline than me in certain situations.) And Shawn was giving himself a hard time going to sleep because he was insistently blowing his nose of any drip instead of at least trying to relax or even for a little while breathe through his mouth, but was just making his  nose hurt by irritating it with constant blowing. Between that and harsh sneezes and Mom telling him that she could do no more for him (she gave him nasal spray and antihistimine) Shawn did not go to sleep any sooner than Paul did. David seemed to be the only one who went to sleep without having to be told to get back in bed 300 times or something like that.
  *sigh. Little brothers...I do love them but half the time i just wanna throw them out a window, at least put duct tape over their mouths.  



With the bandages, a day or so after surgery



Getting the bandages peeled off.

the whole back of me with staples in

clipping the staples off felt like a tiny pinch but no great pain. Then again, about 65% of my neck lacks feeling back there too

23 staples




and here's the furniture from the waiting room. Nifty pattern and designs, eh?





Catching up to Yesterday again (Tuesday) Part 1

Ok, so technically i'm writing this on Wednesday, but I'm gonna do my best to write this blog as if it was Tuesday evening and was getting my thoughts together (may seem not that complicated to everyone else reading but it has to do with what perspective and word tense i write in, so if i jump from present tense to past tense, please bear with me!)


       So sleeping last night (Monday night into Tuesday morning) was different and yet the same as sleeping at the hospital. The obvious major difference being the location, but the other difference is the bed. Yes, i do miss sleeping in my water bed a whole lot, but for the time being Dad's bed is the better option for me, and it's a mattress, and it's this that is somewhat similar to the hospital beds. Now, to help everyone understand, the beds at the hospital are inflatable and always changing. You so much as bend a knee or twitch a foot and the mattress is shifting/inflating/flating to counter your every contour. At some times it's nice, but for me i couldn't help but be at constant war against the bed (i Raged Against the Machine, which is what jumped in my head after my first sleep on the mattress, and the words i believe are the name of a rock band...) The bed does make noise as the air adjusts, but it's something you get used to ignoring easily (considering all the other noises outside the door to my room, yeah, it was real easy to ignore the eeeerrrrinnnng sound of air being blown in and out or wherever)
               But i say i battled the hospital bed because it never seemed to give me the right support i wanted when i shifted. It would sink to far down or just not adjust right. Sometimes it helped when i changed the angle of the bed (obviously, this being a special hospital bed, is like one of those theraputic mattresses that can lift the knees or sit uprightish, etc) so i could hit the buttons and lay more at an incline (and later after i asked if the knee part could bend, a nurse unlocked the knee feature. It was locked originally due to so many people on the 8th floor having joint replacements and whatnot were not in need of having their legs bent or raised)  
       Especially after surgery did i have serious issues with the bed, mostly in the support of how i was lying. During the day i sat in a recliner chair in which i was given a 'waffle cushion' (which i ended up...accidentally bringing home with...ok ok i took it without asking if i was allowed to or not, so maybe i stole it, but i figure they gave it for me to use (and actually, an RN by the name of Amy( this one was a older lady who wore glasses and also brought me to my room my first night in the hospital) was also my RN the evening before i went home and she made a comment, when she was helping rearrange some cushions on the recliner for me, that i should just take it with me (understand the conversation we were having at the time was how much I appreciated the cushion because it wasn't giving me any tailbone pain or lowerback strain despite from sitting in a recliner for a good 80% of the day) ) so I guess you could say i took Amy's advice to heart and took it with me. Mom snuck it out with her when she was taking my walker to the car when i went home. (On a side note, thanks again Aunt Margy for the green throw blanket! Not only has it been great for cover and as a cushion for my head, but Mom was able to hide the waffle cushion within it too)

      So, i think i may have loss my original train of thought (guess you could say it 'derailed') so let me try to get back on the straight. I was discussing the bed battling me, oh yeah, how it was harder after surgery with the bed. Although after surgery i gained like five extra pillows from nowhere (they just seemed to be everywhere all of a sudden and i originally only had two) but i had at least one behind my back horizontal for support the lower half, then had one pillow by my left shoulder, a seconed pillow put at an angle so it was behind my head and right shoulder (because even now my shoulder feels like a block of lead, but after surgery it had this particularly weird numb feeling and I had a hard time trying to adjust pillows, attempting to get the feeling that my shoulder was actually being supported instead of floating) and then i had a pillow under each arm so i was pretty much surrounded. All the pillows were of the feathery quality so that they could be beaten and shoved into certain positions for maximum comfort.
         Even so, one of the worst sensations i troubled with that week after surgery, whenever i slept in the bed that is, is that my back would feel 'highly strung?' To try and explain, what would happen is that however it was the bed shifted around me, and despite having a pillow in my lower back for support, i'd wake up feeling as if my lower-to-mid back was floating, or just so tense that i could swear it was 'thrumming' with tension. I would do my best to shift, or increase the angle i was lying at (after surgery Dr. Schnittker said i couldn't lay flatter than a 30* degree angle to keep a certain support for my head and neck i suppose) but if somehow i was able to relieve some of the tension and get at least the feeling of support for my lower back, suddenly it was my neck that was in agony and felt unsupported and that sensation would telegraph to my right shoulder which would require more shifting and in the end just a lot of discomfort and a highly strung back (i suppose you could strum a tune across the muscles of my back like a guitar they felt so tight)

       But now, at home, i find myself fighting that same feeling again. I have like five or six pillows, varying sizes and even my body pillow and yet last night (Monday night that would be) i woke up around 4:30 am with the feeling that my back was thrumming with tension. It literally feels like a tiny vibration (which i why i feel the word 'thrumming' is by far the most accurate adjective) and of course all i really wanted to do was try and adjust myself in a small increment, because to move my back would mean  to move my neck and the cycle of discomfort would continue, but it also can't be relieved until i move, so in the end my only option is to move!
         In the end, i usually end up waking up in the near exact position i fell asleep in, and again, that means something is aching one way or another, with or without the pain meds. But the biggest difference waking up this time is that i was in my Dad's room, i was woken up by the sounds of little children arguing over video games (or something along those lines) and no one was popping in to take my vitals. (temperature, blood pressure, blood oxygen (when they put that little clip on your finger and its surrounded by some red light sensor that reads the refection of the hemoglobin, or something like that)) 

         Of course, waking up at home has some other awesome perks to it too. Such as just knowing you're home is a great feeling. I laid in bed for who knows how long just greatful to be home. That i couldn't help but just shove my nose into the sheets and breathe in that smell that i know to be 'Dad' (and i know everyone knows what i mean, but just in case others are unclear, i'm talking about that scent that everyone has that distinguishes them; a better example would be to say when you're sorting laundry and you pick up a shirt and are hit with that moment of question as to who it is so you hold it against your nose and breathe in the smell and are able to tell who the owner is just from that sniff)
      So i was comforted just to be able to smell 'Dad' as opposed to 'hospital' and that is an amazingly comforting feeling to get hit with. (on another side not, i did the same thing with Mom's pillow later just because it's such an amazing and soothing thing to breathe in those familiar scents)